“Don’t worry about it.”
If I had a nickel every time I have heard that phrase.
I have always worried. I used to just assume it was part of my personality. I was told that all the women in my family worried. It was just the way the women in the Sennett family worked.
After my mother died, however, the worry took a complicated turn. It turned into devastating anxiety and panic. I have had moments of anxiety that have driven me to my knees in the carpet and it took prayer to stand me up. I have prayed my way into work many days – not because I was worried about something that was supposed to happen that day – but because I was anxious about something that MIGHT happen.
I can come up with “What if…” questions better than most Olympic athletes can compete at their sport. The answers I come up with are always worst case scenarios. That causes more anxiety. It is a vicious cycle that I have allowed to steal many days from my life.
Today I am worried. I have to leave in about an hour to take my six year old daughter to our local children’s hospital for a test. The doctor told me what the test will entail, but since it is not one I have endured before, I can’t prepare her. I don’t know if she will be in pain. I don’t know if it will cause her fear. I don’t know if I will be able to be with her. I don’t know if it will be a good thing for me to be with her. Will she sense my fear? Will that make everything worse?
So I have to make a conscious choice to trust. I have to trust that this children’s hospital knows what they are doing and will be a calming effect. Trust that they understand my fears and hers.
Most of all, I have to trust that God loves my daughter more than I could ever imagine. Whatever happens today is in His will. A quick Bible Gateway search of the phrase “fear not” brings up over 150 verses that teach us not to fear. They stretch from Genesis to Revelation. They are direct commands from Moses, Jeremiah, Isaiah and other prophets speaking on God’s behalf. They are commands from Jesus Christ Himself. They are teachings from the epistles of Paul. This might be an important topic, huh?
Trusting in God is easy when you have a back up plan. Trusting in God is easy when it is a choice between good options.
When it is something completely out of your control……..not so easy. When it is the well-being of your child that is out of your control…excruciating.
Today I am having to make a conscious effort to trust. Today I am having to renew that effort every few minutes.
Today I am having to quote some of those 150+ verses over and over to myself.
Today I am choosing to learn from my daughter, who is contentedly reading a book – completely trusting. She knows that Mommy and Daddy prayed over her last night and that we will be continuing to pray. She is confident in that power.
Matthew 10:29-31 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”